UPR or Unconditional Positive Regard is one of Carl Rogers Core therapy conditions. It is about positive regard, offering love, without condition, to the client. I feel this is often the most self explanatory of the therapy techniques, but can be the hardest to genuinely achieve.

It is about caring about the client no matter what, regardless of if you are having to work late to see them, or if they annoy you, or if they are berating something you passionately believe in, if they are a criminal, if they are rude to you, or if you have a headache, or if you’re tired. Regardless of all these things the client will develop and grow more from a therapist who can offer them positive regards/thoughts/love regardless of any other factors. The client will hopefully feel the positive attitude and feel safe and secure and loved, thus be able to open up more deeply.

This therapeutic technique is one of the hardest to achieve, and often counsellors who find themselves struggling to achieve it take that to supervision, to explore if it is counter-transference, if they need to take a sabbatical from counselling as they are burnt out or if it is something about the clients beliefs they can’t work with, and if they can’t work around they this issue this often results in the counsellor recommending the client see another therapist.

Try it yourself, if there is someone who you feel you need to make a better connection with, try caring about them regardless of any other factors and see if they are more positive towards you.

If you want to explore anything above further please do contact Wright Minds

Transference and counter transference are words often associated with Psychodynamic/Psychoanalytical therapies, predominantly those of Freud. It refers to the feelings, thoughts, emotions, and actions passed between therapist and client, often subconsciously. If the client dislikes managers because they all bully them and the client sees some of these traits in the counsellor they can react the same as they may do with their manager, they transfer the emotion across. However, if the client really likes females as all their friends are females them a female therapist will receive extra adoration. None of this is intentional or conscious. Often the counsellor picks up that they are being treated badly (like the manager) or wonderfully (like the friend). Here the therapy can start, the counsellor can analyse their feelings and reflect back to the client, and between them they may hopefully realise the that client is acting in a certain way based on their presumptions about people and thus help change the clients attitude or actions.

The importance here is that you too can pick up on transference and counter-transference. If you notice someone is always grumpy with you and no one else, think if it may be the way you act with them, are you putting your guard up first as they remind you of someone you don’t like? Is this then making them pick up on your negative mood and reflect it back at you? If so what is it about that person? Now you are conscious of this fact, you can start your own thinking process.

If you are in the Stoke-on-Trent or Newcastle-under-Lyme area and if you would like help with anything mentioned about or would like some basic counselling skills training please do contact Wright Minds.

Another of the Core Conditions Carl Rogers discusses is Congruence. Congruence is the art of honesty with yourself, it is about reconciling your thoughts and actions. It is the awareness of yourself as a whole, your thoughts, feelings, actions, desires, all matching. For example you are feeling very sad but pretend you are happy – this is incongruent, it is better within counselling to show the sadness you are feeling, as this may reflect what the client is feeling, this could be your empathy with the emotion the client is transferring.

Congruence is about the genuine nature of what is being experienced, being present and connected and sharing this to work together in counselling.

This doesn’t just have to be counselling, the more congruent you are with yourself on a daily basis the more you can reduce your stress and anxiety levels, by not locking the feelings away, by revealing them, experiencing them, dealing with them, sharing them, owning them, empowering your self you can be more relaxed and more yourself.

If you are in the Stoke-on-Trent or Newcastle-under-Lyme areas and would like counselling to become more congruent or training in basic counselling techniques please do contact Wright Minds.

Carl Rogers is famous for his person centred counselling theory. Within that theory he suggested there are Core Conditions that need to be present for counselling to have its full effect. One of these conditions is Empathy. Empathy is something we can all try to use when with another person. It is not about the words “I understand” because we don’t, we will never be inside someone else’s mind or body we will never be able to know exactly what they are thinking or feeling, but we can try to use our own experiences and feelings to empathise with how someone else might be feeling.

The aim of empathy is to see it from someone else’s view. to try to understand what they are feeling and thinking. Not to pity them but to feel with them.

For example if someone is talking about the death of someone they loved, what experiences can you draw on to understand them more? Remember how you felt when someone important died? Are they describing similar feelings? Are they talking about being bullied? Have you been bullied? Are they talking about being lonely? Have you been lonely, have you watched a film where feeling lonely was explored, have you read a poem about loneliness that my help you empathise? They won’t be feeling the exact same way that you felt, or that you’ve experienced in the past but these are good places to start.

Now use what you already have to put yourself in their shoes, listen to their words, look at their reactions, uses your experiences and your imagination, link your emotions into the process. To empathise try to think in someone else’s place.

If you are around Stoke-on-Trent, Newcastle-under-Lyme area and are interested in any basic counselling skills training please do contact us.

Active listening is a technique counsellors use, but it can also be used by anyone.

The aim is to listen to the person talking.

Easy yes?

Well not really.

Try it? Do you remember the last thing you listened to? Can you recall what the radio just said, what song they just played? What advert was on TV? What did your partner say as they left home today?

The problem is our minds are so busy, thinking so many things, what time is my meeting, did I charge my phone, what is there to cook for dinner, do I need petrol, where are my keys, am I cold, have I booked the vets, when was the school trip, have I got the PE kit?

Not only that, but when we listen to a conversation we are usually thinking about how we are going to respond rather than just focusing on what is being said to us.

We are also not always looking at the person talking.

Active listening is trying to empty your mind of your own things, not thinking how you will respond, but hearing the words that are being said, listening to just those words, processing them, adding them together with the tone, body language, volume and delivery. Then pausing, replaying the key points in your mind. Now build your response to the sentence.

That is active listening. Focus on nothing but what is being said.

Its not an easy skill and takes a lot of practise.

Over the next few blogs I will discuss some more counselling techniques.

I suppose this is part of my famous, influential, powerful people making a difference in mental health blog series. Although it is from far more humble origins that the hero stems and has used his own experiences and actions to become influential.

This article talks about Johnny Mercer a soldier who then became an MP.

He talks about his own mental health issues, how when he was young he worried his OCD made him feel like he was just mad. How his war experiences led to post traumatic growth – the positive side to trauma that is often unspoken when people focus on PTSD (post traumatic stress). He feels that there is again stigma and change is needed, he focuses on change in the military as well as change for the public health sector and he is using his role as a MP to make positive changes based on his own experiences.

You two can change your experiences, you can work on your difficulties, your mental health can change and grow. Please do give me a call if you would like to arrange counselling to start changing your mental health.

I read this article that popped up on my phone – I know, its not enough I work with mental health all day I read about it in the news app on my phone as well. I like to keep up to date with what is happening in the world of mental health.

The article talks about employees asking for more mental health support in the work place. This is a vital part of the current world. Following on from my previous post about the Governor of the Bank of England trying to offer a balance I felt this article fit well with my current theme. It again promotes the idea to ‘talk openly about it’.

Whether it is a professional supervision (sometimes referred to as debriefing) where you can offload, discuss and ponder the private and confidential parts of your day to day work to someone who is neutral and confidential. Or if it is counselling for stress, anxiety or any other issues I can hopefully offer you support.

If you are an employee and want more support and your boss doesn’t know where to turn, or you are the boss looking to provide mental health provision for your team then I am more than happy to work with your company to help advise or to arrange this.

I posted a few weeks ago about the power I believe famous people can have around promoting good mental health. It seems now that more powerful and influential people are talking about mental health than ever.

In this article the Governor of the Bank of England has stood up to give his view. He’s boldly trying to end the Stigma that comes with mental health. The stigma that is no longer valid. We understand so much more than we ever have about mental health. There is no stigma going to the doctor because you have a chest infection or A&E because you broke your leg. You don’t avoid going to the dentist because of shame? So why would you be ashamed to say, I feel stressed I’m going to see my counsellor? When we have a headache or migraine we take a painkiller, so why when suffering from depression or stress or anxiety wouldn’t we find a treatment for them?

Here he explains about the cost that poor mental health has on our economy and our lives in general, so he’s talking about money but he is after all the governor of the Bank of England, surely focus on mental health in his specialist area is more powerful? Maybe he is right:

“Mr Carney said: “A strong economy with good work prospects boosts the nation’s health as well as its wealth. “Everyone wants to go to work and do a good job, to give it their best. But push yourself too far and your work-life balance breaks down.” He wants three pillars of support for mental health: the freedom to speak up, seek informed care and take steps to insulate against future issues. The Bank of England has been at the front of initiatives to promote good mental health throughout business.”

If you would like to talk to a professional about your mental health and you are around Stoke-on-Trent, Newcastle-under-Lyme please do give me a call.

I have seen in the news for the last three weeks, article after article about the mental health of students (I’ve attached a few for you to read at the end of the post). Many things affect students. New GCSE exams start this week. A Levels and the end of the University term are fast approaching, dissertations are looming. Planning for the next step into the future. Finances for next student year are stacking up, where will you live while at University, can you work and study and find a good balance. Loneliness, isolation, friendship and relationship dilemmas, separation from family and support networks. All these things can weigh on the mind of students at some point.

I know all universities have good student counselling facilities but reports say even those are being swamped

I know schools will wherever possible offer counselling themselves or from outside charities or agencies (such as Younger Minds, Place to Be) but the resource is again short.

I know what it was like to be a student myself.

If you are a student and want to talk to someone about the pressure of your life, study or relationships please do get in touch. Importantly I offer student discount.

Articles 
https://www.theguardian.com/higher-education-network/2018/may/11/student-mental-health-is-suffering-as-universities-burst-at-the-seams

http://www.itv.com/news/2018-05-11/young-people-with-mental-health-problems-at-risk-of-slipping-through-the-gaps-amid-increase-in-student-suicides/

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/may/14/mental-health-referrals-in-english-schools-rise-sharply-nspcc

If you have been looking at my Facebook page you will have seen that last week was Mental Health Awareness week. They chose to focus on Stress. So I thought I’d talk about that. For more details they have published a leaflet that you can download for free.

What are the key signs of Stress?

Stress is when we react physically and mentally to excess pressure in our lives – from our families, work, home, health, hobbies, friends, finance etc

We may notice that we are more short tempered; worried, anxious or depressed; overwhelmed by things that we’d usually ignore; unable to relax or concentrate; experiencing mood swings; altered sleep patterns or habits; altered eating; physical changes eg feeling sick, stomach ache, aches and pains, increased minor illness like colds or flu.

These are just a few signs that may indicate stress (but they may indicate other things too). Please do go and get checked out by your GP if you are experiencing any of them.

How could we deal with Stress in our own lives?

The first step and often the hardest is to recognise you are stressed. Sometimes we are central in our lives and can’t see the overall picture, we can get so busy and stressed we can’t recognise that we are.

Once you realised you are stressed the next thing is to see if you know what is causing the extra pressure or stress? Here you may find a really simple solution, but often it isn’t that easy. Can you find a practical solution (no time to food shop – buy online)? Is it just a time scale issue (eg moving house – it will be over by a certain date). Or is the answer outside your control (work, illness, worry about someone else)?

Once you know you are stressed and what is stressing you you may be able to put a practical solution into place. However, sometimes more is needed. Solutions aren’t always simple – stress at work doesn’t mean you can just find a new job, relationship stress often isn’t solved by breaking up, there  often isn’t a simple solution to illness. If you find that the answer requires more help then your GP or a counsellor may be able to offer you support. Maybe find yourself a Mindfulness class.

There are things you can start with on your own while you seek help
-Ensure a balanced and healthy diet and that you eat regularly (if smaller portions) even if you aren’t hungry.
-Try to build some time into each day to relax, even if its just half an hour doing something you like (reading, walking, facial, bath, painting, computer games, sport, friends)
-Get some exercise. Even just 20 to 30 minutes walking, cycling, jogging, swimming, football will start to have a positive impact on you.

Please if you are feeling affected by Stress and you are near Newcastle-under-Lyme, Stoke-on-Trent or in Staffordshire give me a call and see if I can offer counselling support.